It was good to see your post, putting into words & context how you're feeling. I hope that finding the words and being able to express yourself may have helped, if only a little

Working through everything you need to with the right people may feel scary, but hopefully you will feel that the potential for positive changes will carry you through. And there may well be backward steps along the way, but if you can accept that & keep forging ahead, baby step after baby step, you'll get there. Take good care of you