I have no clue what I am doing, really. I am so messed up anymore. I don't know why but I am in another bad situation. I started dating this guy and well I feel like I have to do what he wants, I have to make him happy (no matter what), and also it really doesn't matter if I am used or not, if I get hurt, who cares? That is my new set of beliefs. I know it stems from a combination of what happened in May with the assault, plus my past history of abuse, but why am I being so stupid? I do not want this. But I feel like I have to do it. I want to be with him, but I don't think I am ready yet, but it's like it doesn't matter, I'm onlyl here for him, it seems like. I don't know what to do, I am so confused and lost and my life is just falling apart. I can't even go to college mainly because of what happened in May, plus that made me lose my parents insurance and car insurance went up, which I can't pay for (which my parents are saying they will no longer help me with). I am just so completely overwhelmed and hurting so bad. I really need some people in my life that will just listen, people who will just be a kind caring friend. I don't know if any of you would be willing to just send me messages every once in awhile or not, but I am so completely struggling and I really need people.

Jennifer