I know I'm a broken record talking about the rupture I had with my T a year ago, that I've still been unable to get past. I'm very attached to her anyway, and despite the hurt she caused, I agonize at the thought of leaving her. But, I finally got the courage to go T shopping. T1 is psychodynamic. I found T2, and have seen her maybe 8-9 times now, and I like her just fine. She's CBT. I'm still not feeling like she's the one who can help me move on from T1. So, just last week, I had the most amazing session with yet another new T, T3. It was a two hour session, and she is more into somatic experiencing. She called herself "unconventional" as far as Ts go, was very forthcoming about some things in her life, and even told me she has three T's herself. We hit it off quite well. She does body work as well as psychotherapy, and has a reiki table in her office. She also only lives a mile away from me, so I find it interesting that I didn't find her familiar. But just in that one session, I feel like she's perfect. She knows I'm trying to leave my T.... and she said that people grow and change, and it's possible that our therapeutic relationship has run its course, and it could be time to try someone new. She said several times she thought we were a great match, and I felt it, too. I see her again on Wednesday. It was a gigantic step for me to walk into T2's therapy room...and then T3. T1 does not know I'm seeing others. T2 thinks T1 retraumatized me with her abrupt actions, and that makes sense. T3 hasn't really brought that up, but both T2 and T3 certainly understand why I haven't just "gotten over" this yet. T1 keeps questioning why I haven't "gotten over" it yet. She's seeming more cold to me, when she used to be so warm, loving, understanding...I'm not feeling those things as much anymore, so I know it's time to move on. But I also know, given the state of my mental health right now, I really need to feel safe leaving her, and have someone else in place. I need therapy right now.
Anyway, just wanted to update..... I stay quite busy with T appointments right now, but at least I'm somewhat proud that I've been able to do this. Leaving T1 will be VERY hard. But I know it must be done. Again, as has been posted several times on this forum, I keep re-reading this article...
If There Be None « what a shrink thinks