I honestly don't know I am scared. I've been taking my meds like they were prescribed. Three days ago I started feeling like everything was going to be ok. Yesterday I woke up and I was hot. So I put on shorts and a tank top. My now ex boyfriend and feels like ex friend says in a pretty harsh tone "it's not summer" I replied I know that but I'm hot. He then comes in and shows me how to use the thermostat. Really? (Sorry my mood just went back to what I was feeling when he said that and then did that. That's part of what's scaring me) I had decided to clean the bathroom as a valentine's gift to him. But I ended up scrubbing the shower about ten hours. In a twelve hour period. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't stop until I realized I couldn't see what I was doing and would have to finish in the morning. I took my meds at 9 my physical energy was drained but my mind wasn't. I realized I may be in trouble and went looking for help. I was trying to find an online chat support group because I have trouble asking for help from people I know. And I wanted to remain anonymous. But I couldn't find anything I came across this site and said well it's worth a shot. I eventually fell asleep sometime around three. Then I woke up a couple times and at nine I got up took my meds. Thinking am I going to have another day like yesterday. Then I got really cold. But I told myself just do the affirmations and you are going to have a great day. I soon realized no matter what I was doing my mind kept going to depressing thoughts. So I kept trying to distract myself. I even tried to make fun of all the mood swings. But my mind kept going to depressing thoughts. So I started taking quizzes on here. Any of them ones I know that have nothing to do with me just to distract myself. Still wasn't working. I then started reaching out to my family. I was desperate for distraction. I posted in here I couldn't figure out what I was doing. Tears just keep pouring down my face. My family isn't being there for me my ex does his best to avoid me. My family said there's always tomorrow. I'm terrified what tomorrow is going to bring. And the tears just keep flowing. I'm deep breathing and they keep flowing and I literally have no one to turn to. I tried everyone