I got a zero! I had NO self esteem whatsoever!!

What do I do? It is getting worse. I am treated awfully by parents that control me. I am in my 40's. My kids hate me. I don't have any friends left (one that uses me when she needs me)

I can't date. Though I have let men use me. And I dont' even care anymore!

My brain doesn't even think about marriage or holidays or anything. if that makes sense. I have nothing and no one to share it with and do not see anything getting better. ever!