A long (well, to me, others have had much longer) battle of battling the diagnosis of Bi-Polar and Panic Attack disorder since 2009-2010.
After being with a pull-pushing Psych from 2012-2014 and ending up in the hospital for a week, I was finally able to get with a great psychiatrist than most people would only dream of. Listened. I would email him questions and get a response within an hour, and call and hear back within 30 minutes.

Suddenly, September-October (2014), he disappeared. I know, it sounds weird...it is weird. Emails didn't get responded too. Multiple phone calls and messages were never returned, etc. He ran a very small practice out of an office that dealt mainly with therapy. They didn't even have answers.

At that point, I figured no big deal since I had a great mixture of medication that was FINALLY working. And after talking to my GP he said he would do refills while I looked for another Psych. Endless calls were leading me to "Not accepting patients" or 6+ month waits.

Then I was informed that in December the tiers of my prescription co-pays would change. What was $50/$100/$150 would now be $60/$120/30%. I was on Latuda, being a Tier 3, meaning it would be about $550-$600 a month for 30 pills. Impossible for me and my family (wife and son). So, I just began slowly tapering down and not taking it. I know, not smart but I didn't want to worry my wife or feel like a bother to anyone.

Now, let's flash forward to February.
It has all come back roaring. Depression, fatigue, disgust, anxiety out the roof and the list could go on.

The best part? My insurance has dropped me as of February (I found out 4 days ago). When rolling over to a new year (January to February), I used auto-pay to pay my bill. Even though all emails and letters started if I wasn't making changes I needed to do nothing. What wasn't explained was that Auto-Pay information did need to be updated (I've actually been told this by the representatives, including that indeed that's what the letters said but I should have known to check that. Umm, okay. Right).

I am blessed beyond words in that my mother-in-law has down right said she will pay for anything, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

None the less, from October 2014 when I was on Latuda 40mg, Lamictal 200mg, Wellbutrin XL 150mg. I am now on...Well..nothing. And let me tell you if you ever have that thought of, "Maybe I don't need this crap." I'll tell you, you do.

I have an appointment with my mother-in-law's brother-in-law's psychiatrist that has a SMALL practice near me. I am going Tuesday to figure out what to do.

All out of pocket, but not worth my life, as my MIL says.

I am nervous, honestly. But I've felt nervous and anxious for days now. Panic attacks at the drop of a hat, and days I can't get out of bed.

I suppose this message is just to see someone say, "Go! You are doing the right thing." Or, "Sending positive vibes" or something.

I will keep everyone updated and I appreciate any well wishes and thoughts.

All in Love,
Keep the fight,

Matt S.