I don't know what to do. I've struggled with severe anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Now my boyfriend is going through the same thing, he deals with his depression very differently than myself. I isolate but I can't turn off the part of me that worries about others at the same time. He has completely shut off and tried to break up with me about a week ago. After many hours of begging, crying and talking he changed his mind. He talked to me the next couple nights, it didn't seem like things were fixed but we didn't fight or anything. It's going on five days now and I haven't heard from him. I know he probably needs his space, but at the same time I have no idea if he is even safe. It scares me. I have sent another message today asking him to just let me know that he is ok and that we don't have to talk or anything.

I feel defeated, and my own depression is getting worse and worse now. I can barely get out of bed. The only thing that gets me up is to go feed my dogs and let them out. Last time I had a break up I ended up in the ward (it was my only time I've ever been there). I'm scared what will happen to me if this break-up goes through and at the same time I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know I can deal with someone who knows my past and all my abandonment issues and can still just disappear and not send one message to say he is ok. Maybe I sound selfish, but I'm just trying to get through this like anyone else I guess. I want to support him, but him hurting me like this makes it a hard balancing act. I feel like a weak person for not being able to let go but I don't feel like I can start over again, I don't feel like anyone will love me. I'm disabled and cannot work, I'm overweight and my parents bought a house with an apartment in the basement so I could live there. I feel like there isn't hope for me.

Why are people not careful with each other? Why do people have to be so hurtful? I don't understand anymore. I feel like I'm just different from other people - I wish I didn't care. Thanks for hearing my rant, I just don't know what to do anymore.