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Originally Posted by Pastel Kitten
Wow, your dreams are definitely very similar to the ones I had indeed. I left out a few gory details because I honestly thought they were far too disturbing to post about, so I can relate to what you mean about the killing methods being highly disturbing. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this regard because I was afraid these dreams had some other bizarre meaning to them, back then. It all makes a lot more sense now. We are not psycho, we are just very, very perceptive and hyper aware of peoples' intentions - whether imagined or not.
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You are definitely not alone. I'd be interested in knowing what percentage of people with BPD have these kinds of nightmares. I also often dreamt of people being monsters or aliens inside the familiar skin of those I cared about or thought I knew. It was only when my guard was down that they revealed what they really were and tried to kill me. I think much that way in real life as well. Sometimes people just seem like shape-shifting monsters to me and I'm just playing along to avoid notice and try to stay as safe as possible.
I think out expectations and fears were (very reasonably) shaped by our early experiences. It makes perfect sense. We're very watchful and tuned in because of that, but since our backgrounds and experiences seem to differ so greatly from those of "normal" people, they just think we're crazy, etc.
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Originally Posted by Pastel Kitten
On a side note: I've already begun doubting a good friend of mine because he hasn't been online for 5 days, which is not like him at all. My first thought was that he may have switched to a different skype account because he didn't want to talk to me anymore, but didn't have the guts to actually remove me. I can't shake the feeling even now.  |
Well I think if there's one thing we've learned, it's that people can turn quickly and nothing is a guarantee against that. So it's very easy for us to believe that the moment has come when something unexpected and/or negative happens. We try to prep for it. I'm sorry about your friend - I really hope he has a good reason.
It's terrible not knowing. In such situations, all we can do is try to practice distress tolerance while we try to figure out what has happened. Do you have any other way to contact him?