Hi Sept.morn!!!
I guess I could have thrown my mother off the cliff, but chances are I'd have dove over after her!! I couldn't do that anyway. I thought alot about it though. If I'd ever just let go,
I was scared to death she'd never get up. That would be a far worse thing to live with for me. I was too big a coward.
I froze when she came in the room. At 14 you're supposed
to still be able to run up to mommy and get hugs and kisses and not worry what the neighbors think??? Or what
your b.f. will do???? Well, at 19 those same needs were
still there. Only I felt like I had to compete with him??? She
denied that, but that's not how it went. I even ran away one time to another family. She just wouldn't notice ME!!!
The b.f. didn't like PROBLEMS. Huh, aint' that a hoot.....he
married into a whole family full of that!!! One big problem
after another.
It still makes me sad that this happened. Sometimes I wonder if my own children felt the abandonement from me
too? I wasn't well for a long time. In and out of Psychiatric
Wards, Adult Day-care places, and one on one therapy for
some 17 years!!! Guess that proves I'm never getting better??? Now 30 years later, I'm back in the saddle again!!!