I am having trouble finding a pdoc that is accepting new patients or taking them with medicaid. I just moved to Colorado the end of September. I successfully destroyed my relationship and was hospitalized the beginning of January. Was there over 2 weeks. I saw a therapist almost 2 weeks ago. He said he was putting me on fast track for med prescriber, because I knew the meds weren't right and he agreed. At the time though it was just anxiety all the time and nightmares, but that was 2 weeks ago. I'm having a hard time helping myself. One of the reasons I've been diagnosed bipolar is because my mother and great grandmother were. And because I was diagnosed at 9 as manic depressive. But it never really felt like it was accurate (for the mania part) I cannot go back to the hospital to get the meds straight. I had a terrible experience in there. One of the staff members broke so many confidentiality codes. I know things about other patients I really didn't want to know and never should have been told. And she showed a couple of us pictures on her phone (also taboo) but one was of her miscarriage. Then she says "oh my god (insert my name here) did that bother you. Honestly right then I felt sorry for her not me. Two days later I couldn't stop crying, she put my business out there too. I was moved three different times while I was there. Had full blown panic attacks each time. It was like they did it on purpose. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm sorry. I've never been in this position before. I quit my job, left my family behind I've always lived in same city as my family, finally filed divorce after 16 years of being separated, to being in the house that I'm no longer wanted in. I'm all alone and scared because I'm seriously having trouble controlling my emotions.