Oh janniebug. There are no words I have that could possibly comfort you, but I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you.

I wish I could give you a real hug. I would also sit and cry with you so you could share the grief.

Please, please, please come here as often as you can. Don't isolate unless you're doing it for self-care. You have a lot of people who care about you. Lean on us.