Is it her job to protect me? I think part of the problem is that she took on the role of rescuer. I didn't need protection or rescuing, but she needed me to need it. What I wanted and needed was to have a real relationship, with two way vulnerability and authenticity, and without the artificiality and muddle of therapy. A real connection, not a contrived pay-for-hire version that gave me a glimpse of all unmet needs with no way to gratify them.

When I said I wanted more contact in order to work through more stuff, and she refused on the basis of protecting me from further harm, what she did was infantilize and humiliate me further. More harm not less.

I do think she cared. My point about caring is that it is ambiguous and conditional in a way that is not found elsewhere. She truly cares about her husband, for example, compared to that I am nothing.

With regard to protecting herself, cant blame her entirely, but then the whole thing sorta falls apart. The client pays to have his/her needs come first, but if things get dicey, all bets are off and it's everyone for themselves.

Do I sound bitter?