First, off, OkieDokie, if your only evidence that you're a "terrible mom" is daughter's accusation, maybe she's wrong. I thought my mother was terrible when I was 22 and, okay, maybe our family was dysfunctional, but she was far from terrible. Now that I am in nearly 60 and she's in her 80s, I appreciate the ways she helped me and the person she helped me to become. Maybe you're daughter will see things differently in time, too.

According to your past posts, your daughter is a drug user, and having been-there, done-that, I wouldn't trust the perceptions of anyone whose using alcohol or drugs heavily.

I once heard a quotation, which I'm going to have to paraphrase, but it was along the lines of -- Our parents are responsible for what happens to us when we are children. But we are responsible for our lives in adulthood.

Your daughter is an adult. You offered therapy and she refused. To me, the short answer is that you've paid enough, and she has to start taking responsibility for making her life what she wants it to be.