The lightbulb moment. "I would not have quit this job. All the excuses I made in my life, I can't pretend this is for the best".

My employment office told me I should see a Dr. before I looked for another job. My Dr. said he wouldn't prescibe me anything - I had to see a mental health specialist - then the road was ahead of me. I haven't looked back. I followed the bumby - cart ride over this crazy road that all the professionals said I needed, and here I am - on a smooth road now. Different then I would have ever chosen for myself, but it is actually the right road. I am finding contentment occasionally. I am having security in the professionals I can turn to. We live in a great country that helps people with mental illness, instead of ending up under some tree.

So - 28 years after I was first told I was bipolar, and living 28 years of a roller coaster life without help or treatment, I was ready to accept it. I couldn't pretend anymore. I mourn the lost years.