I read a lot also. I explore many things too. I was diagnosed bipolar in my teens and did nothing about it until my 40's when my life hit its bottom.

Whatever is happening in my brain - however they want to refer to it - my medication helps. Being able to identify which behaviors stem from my diagnosis helps. I have less delusions. I have less psychic impressions (thank goodness). I am more stable. I even hope to someday be able to finish something I start that takes longer then a couple days. Even finding this forum, and reading so many similarities in what my brother and sister bp's experience has helped. We can't pretend we don't have similar problems that stem from the brain.

I know your going through a normal questioning time. I think this is a normal process. But I want to tell you, I found your post so disturbing I originally didn't say anything. I have seen it now a few days - perhaps it has helped some people. There is always that. Maybe for me, it should have had a trigger warning. It seems your trying to insert your opinion in a way that will undermine progress. My opinion is, creating doubt and fear doesn't help our journey.

Edit Addition: It took a few years to find the right meds for me. I have had drugs that weren't right for me. I still kept trying, and would be very clear about the side effects. When they are right for you - you know. It feels like not being on anything, without having crazy behavior. We went through 4 different med combinations we found this, and these are great! I have almost no side effects, and reduced mania and depression. I hope knowing this helps. Keep plugging away!