Quote:
Originally Posted by Lsswwdictb
For me, before I was on meds, I was constantly switching from up to down. Both the ups and downs were extreme. Now that I've been on meds for a few years, not much has changed. I still have ups, but not the full of energy ups and I miss it tremendously. I still have downs as well, and just as dark as before, but perhaps a little shorter in length. My paranoia is getting worse.
Basically, meds haven't had much affect on me, at least from my perspective, except slow me down which I absolutely hate with a passion.
In a nutshell, for me it's living in Hell On Earth, trapped, and no where to hide from it. It's like I've been cursed my whole life. Very little good ever seems to happen for me. I will never go any further which wasn't far to start with. I always hoovered slightly above poverty income jobs because after a couple of good years with raises and promotions, I always screwed up and got fired. Then I would have to take whatever offered me a job just to keep food on the table. I could go on and on, but by now I'm sure you get the point. Yep, it's pretty much living in hell.
Be very thankful that you do not have it.
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I'm so sorry to hear that! Can you get on different meds? For me, it took years to find the right combo. I'm finally almost OK most of the time, but I'm never truly not depressed or happy if that makes any sense.
I can relate to how you feel. At least you've been able to hold high level jobs before! Maybe what happened that caused you to loose past jobs had nothing to do with you. Unless you were given solid proof that it was you, don't assume that things were your fault for getting laid off or whatever. I'm almost certain that my depression and anxiety caused me to not last that long at any job for more than a year.
One former employer even told a friend who was pretending to be an employer that I didn't know how to mingle with people. WTH? What a witch! I don't work now. Thank god that my husband makes enough to support the both of us! I have given up on trying to find work for a long time due to getting fired all the time for no apparent reason. I go to work to work, and not to socialize, ugh! I wish that people would not care about socializing with others at work so much!
Anyways, I hope that you'll try some new meds as that might help you out a little. You never know until you try.