Cant lie, this makes me angry. I totally feel for you. So you initiated the stopping? If so did you get a sense that he was offended or wounded by this? And then took it out on you?

I questioned everything also, once the disillusion and betrayal hit.

There is a quote from a psychoanalyst that says the T is to blame for treatment failure, 100% of it. And to blame the client is as silly as blaming a chair for having bumped into it.

I have had suicidal thoughts at times, not serious ones, but still… Don't blame yourself.