I didn't fully accept it until I was hospitalized. Up till then I'd been able to explain it to myself as an existential crisis that just wasn't resolving, but when I landed in a psych unit and was diagnosed bipolar 1, I couldn't lie to myself about it any longer. In a way it was a relief...everything I was going through (and putting my family through) suddenly made sense. Since then I've made peace with it and realized it's something that I'm going to have to fight for the rest of my days. But with good care, meds and therapy, I can cope with and even enjoy my life.