Thanks guys. I went into a 3 day sleep and just got up.

Death desire is not quite as instense, but still afraid I have lost any chance as ever seeing these flashbacks end and have no strength to really fight. Still feel my t is the only trustworthy or supportive person in life, but wondering how long it will be before he as had enough of my drama also.

As for how long they last,,, I have yet to have relief of any sort. It just changes from this despair to demonic panic attacks and anywhere inbetween. Oh well