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[b]I got my arse out of bed today which was the hardest thing -- and went and saw her. I will keep trying for her, but I can feel myself slipping badly. It's truly terrifying.
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I know that getting out of bed daily can be very hard work...I know the terrifying feeling...you can do it, just as you did today. I have a focus in my life that keeps me grounded to planet earth, especially on those occasions when I am at the "end of my rope" and just want to jump off planet earth all together...your mom can become your focus that helps to keep you grounded.
My grandchildren.
I can only begin to imagine what it would be like for their parents to have to tell them I am not with them anymore.
If you can find a focus for you life and for getting out of bed each day, it may help.
When you feel that slipping coming on, as you have this week, get your arse back in here and tell us how you FEEL and what is causing those feelings.
I wish for you a great therapy session when the date gets here! Your self esteem can be recovered with good, excellent therapy and meds don't hurt either.