I had similar issues. . .

It took regular desensitization to get me to a point where I was ok with "self gratification."

Keep your chin up. Get creative. If you can't abide the idea of touching yourself, or using a "female aid" what about a standard massaging head? Rest it against yourself, and "ride the wave." No touching, no body fluids (can I say that here?) but it might be a way for you to cross this particular bride.