im really tired of this ****ing thing. a whole life of living with depression and having to deal with it as well as with severe ocd, bpd, anxiety, social phobia, ptsd, abuse, among other things and it only getting worse and worse and worse as times goes by.

right now im in those states where sometimes i cant speak, move, think or even cry. the last one not so much though. been crying so much lately. at all hours.

thinking so much about suicide and about cutting. cut 24 times two weeks ago after like half a year of not doing it.

i dont even know what i want or expect posting this. maybe just to be among people who are or maybe are or could be in the same boat. im really sorry.