I feel the same way every single morning. I usually have a huge temper tantrum with screaming, sobbing, and throwing things around. I do this in hopes of feeling emotionally exhausted to the point that I'll feel numb or withdrawn like a robot. The anxiety of having to deal with not knowing what kind of day I'm going to have or not having anything to look forward to that would give me enough incentive to WANT to deal with my day. The worst days is when I don't trust myself...will I have an episode, will I put my hands on someone? Will people start whispering and laughing at me? My driving has gotten so aggressive I now carpool with my boyfriend because my road rage puts every single person's life in danger. One moment I can demonstrate patience and tolerance then the next moment I want to destroy everything my path. I don't even trust my doctor's. I'm trying to keep things together or I'll lose my healthcare. Without my medication I will be nothing but a menace to society.

I don't even have a plan B. Where do we start?