(((phoenix))), sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now and are extra sensitive as well. I can totally relate to the anger that pops up, have been challenged with that myself.

I know for myself most of my challenge has to do with boundaries. I am either angry at others when they invade and disrespect my boundaries, or, I am angry with myself because of how I get triggered whenever my boundaries are disrespected and it must mean I somehow failed to communicate better on some level. I also tend to get angry because I am so sensitive, even when I don't want to be that way.

I can understand why you did not want to be some kind of spy for this boss too. I think it is reasonable as when someone is a spy/watchdog, they are allowing themselves to be put in the middle and that is not good for anyone struggling with any kind of boundary issues that notoriously are very much a part of PTSD. That is something that is very hard to explain to others, especially when it is better not to have others know about the PTSD because, as I have found, people see that as a weakness and notoriously use that as an excuse if they need to for "themselves".

The only thing one can do in a situation as you have described is to respond with, "well, if I happen to notice some things that are being missed that if done could improve the overall effectiveness of whatever the service happens to be, I will be happy to point that out, however, I do not want to finger others and position myself in the middle of a problem.

Often when someone takes over in a management position, they try to figure out where the difficult areas are in an environment of workers or whatever is involved with what they are managing. Their goal is to improve and make things more efficient.

I work at understanding where my boundary weaknesses are, and literally one day at a time. I don't get as angry as I used to, however, I still have my moments and each time I do my best to stop and think about what the challenge is, and make sure I don't self punish, but instead just find my way to identifying the problem and slowly working through it and I do that literally "one day at a time".