Hello. I relate to the feelings you express. Not connecting to others, not having all your feelings and memory connected in/to one sense of self --makes life more than a little difficult. as you indicate, dissociation is a protective coping mechanism. I also know this from my own personal expereince.

For a long time I wasnt even aware of it happening. Once ina while soemone said soemthing that made no sense to me about something I had said or doen but had no idea what the heck they were talking about. But then the dissociation got to the point where the coping mechanism was keeping me from living life and then I had to so soemthign about it. I was changing over and over and my life became as fragmented as my own fragile sense of self.

I got into therapy. I found the other selves who shared my body with me/the different aspects of awareness. For me DID was like someone new stepping up behind my eyes, moving aside a curtain, and looking through and seeing thigns from their perspective and with their set of memories and expereinces. I had a lot of nightmares. I felt ao alone and lost. so utterly disconnected.

I think that being connected to someone you can be honest with is important and truly helpful. Hoepfully you ahve a therapist who understands and will invest with you the time and work your need to get through this so your life is manageable and ecently happy. I used/ use art as a ways of expressing feelings and expereinces and inner self perspectives.

I wont tell you that living with DID is easy, but here are ways to make it easier. Encourage the habit and activities you find keep you more on an even keep and try and stay away from those that dont. Stay away from people who refuse to validate you or your right to your own feelings and thoughts. Above all, dont give up on yourself. Each of us is so much stronger than we ever realize. Take care, and keep sharing.