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Old Feb 16, 2016, 11:11 PM
WanderingBark WanderingBark is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
I'm really sorry your session was so bad, Wandering. I must say, I don't understand his actions here. I can't come up with a rational framework that would support both his unexplained ending the session (that alone seems a failure on his part to me), yet also agreeing to see you for another session tomorrow. Those seem to me to be contradictory messages.

My T did pace the attachment process, I realize in hindsight, really skillfully. I arrived at therapy with what's called a "hopeful transference": basically, a need that expresses as an expectation of attachment, rather than a slowly growing over time thing. Of course, I wasn't aware of this at the time. But he recognized it, and he modulated the level of emotionality from himself and within the therapy in order to slow down and contain my need. It's one of the reasons he wouldn't hug me, despite my wanting him to: he knew it would likely increase my attachment and fuel a dependency. He also was very careful in handling instances of regression during trauma work, so as to minimize dependence and keep me functional in my life.

There were times when we met more often than once a week--but it was with the goal of stabilizing me, not increasing dependency. Ending your session early--seemingly acting on his preference--would suggest to me that he felt session time wasn't being used productively (whether or not that should be his call is another issue). But if that were true, then it's contradicted by agreeing to another session the next day. I just can't understand what he's thinking.
Thank you so much for your insight--it's really helping me feel grounded right now. I can't figure out what his motivation was. In the moment, it seemed obvious to me that he felt like the time wasn't being used productively. Ugh, I want to think about this more but it makes me feel ill. I've tried to understand him through his actions today but I keep coming to contradictory ideas much like you suggested. To me, it feels like he wants to terminate therapy. But why not come out and say it? Definitely going to lay it all out there ASAP tomorrow.
Hugs from:
feralkittymom, Gavinandnikki