Okay long story short. I've had a history of social anxiety. I've been on anti-depressants most of my life. In my youth I was into alcohol and drugs. I was more interested in getting high than forming meaningful relationships. About 25 I woke up and got sober, went to college and got a masters in business. Then I entered the workforce. My first job was a disaster because I was so anxious around people I couldn't think - so I quit. I had a little more success with my second job but still felt people thought I was weird - so I quit. My final job, which I had for 32 years got me through life financially. During these years I never had a relationship that lasted more than a month - it took me that long to get comfortable with my anxiety. I did therapy for thirteen years and it was a failure as far as getting me out there. So now I'm retired with a nice pension (I retried at 57). I am comfortable financially but still struggle with social issues - it's like I've had a force field around me my whole life. Lately, I've been more aggressive with acquaintances to the point where I got into the current situation. So there you have it - I don't know anybody with this history. Everybody I know had experience with relationships - I feel like I was condemned from the start.