T,

I've read your email. I'm crying. I feel like such a ungratefull ******. You're just so... kind in your email. You're not acting mean towards me or something like that. I've read how some T's can be and you're not like those.
Are you responding like you or T you? I know you're probably not that different from how you are in sessions. But I'm work and as a T you have rules to follow. So you can't just say everything to me. Would you also respond like this to let's say a friend or something?

I guess I also wanted to get a reaction out of you. Something real. I'm hurting so much from this situation and you all happy and everything. It seems like it doesn't do anything to you that you won't be my T for months or that maybe this are the last two months that you're my T.

I know I'm just work. You're just my T. I don't need to see you outside my sessions. I don't want to be friends. I want you yo be my T. I just want to see you once a week for a session. I don't want to live without you yet. I do want you to be a little bit more than just a T, like a T+. I want how it is now, but a little bit more. Like how some T from the people here are. I want a hug, even if it's just one and only one. I want to hear what you think about me, what you REALLY think. I want a check-up email after I had a really really hard session, but I want you to do it because you care, not because I want it. And I want to know a little bit about you. Nothing to personal, just a bit about your interest.
Is that unreasonable? I know I've never told you this. I know you're my T and therapy should be about me.

From my email you think because of your you-know-what that I don't think you're a good T anymore and that you can't be trust. I get why you would think that, but it's not true. I still think you're a good T. That's why I'm mad and hurt. I don't want to lose the only good T I ever had. Not yet. Not until I'm ready.

You don't know this about me, I think. I don't think anyone knows this because I never said anything about it. But sometimes I say or act the opposite of what I really feel/think/want. Yes, I am mad and hurt, but those things I wrote when I was in a really angry, hurt and bad state. I want people to care about me, I want to hear that, I want others to try harder, not just give up on me. I want to know I matter. Because so often I've just been left on my own, because I'm so quiet and I don't complain. But often I don't get the reaction I hoped I would get. And then I'm disappointed and I conclued that no one really cares about me. I know I shouldn't do this, but...I don't know.

Above all, I don't want to quit. Even though I think it often, I really don't want to stop seeing you. I want to know if you have any feelings about all this. What do you think of me? Do you like seeing me as a client? Do you like me? Do I pop up in you head outside of my sessions? What do you think about not seeing me for months? Would you wonder how I'm doing? If I make progress? Sometimes you need to act a little bit less like a T.