Firstly, after talking to someone on here I decided I really wanted to try Adderall for my ADD. Turns out people with seizure disorders can't take it. After telling my psychiatrist about my ADD symptoms, he asked me how am I capable of working at all. What kind of question is that? I have no idea how I pull it off, but I manage. What I was specifically aiming to treat were the memory and disorganization issues. Forgetting appointments, getting them confused, showing up at the wrong time...forgetting my cellphone and have an emotional meltdown because of it. Forgetting my wallet. This...is what's driving me absolutely insane. And the restlessness. Today I got stuck at the mall register and I was going out of my mind because I had nothing to do. I couldn't stay still, I paced, bounced, walked in circles, shifted position, did physical therapy exercises, drummed, patted, lounged, twitched, meticulously arranged, then fixed again, a few shelves. If there's nothing for me to do, it really stresses me out and makes me antsy. I need to be moving and constantly doing something. While online training is an option, I tried and couldn't focus or retain information, and got bored after a minute of trying.This was 4 hours straight of hell.

I did manage to convince someone to get a credit card though. So that's good for me.

Anyway, aside from being on the fringe of a restless spaz-attack, I realized I either need the open supervisor position, or I need to get a second job. Right now I can't make ends meet. I have a cat to take care of. They have me scheduled for only two days next week and its like I can't afford to pay all my bills as is. So I went on a hyper spree of collecting applications from around the mall, as well as the supervisor app.

I'm absolutely tired and hyper awake at the same time. Sleeping is impossible. I think I could be entering a hypomanic episode because today I was extremely outgoing and that's very abnormal for me. LOL. I'm feeling more confident, carrying myself different and pumped about working more hours though it means less time doing my hobby. This morning I was in tears about it and now I'm bouncing off the roof. Yay! I'm so excited!

But really...how I manage to accomplish things at work? Kind of a mystery. I had no idea how to answer my psychiatrist on that one. Wish I could have that Adderal though. Damn!