Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
My T has been a really good T to me. She's trying to help me with getting a new T. She has someone in mind who works where she works. She's trying to help me with my anxiety about it. I don't have good experiences with previous T's, so I'm really scared I'll relapse with this new T. I'm scared I don't like her, she won't understand me, etc.
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Sounds here like your t does care about you. Your t is trying to help you as best she can. I know you're scared, but you have no choice but to move forward. Trust your t. Why not let yourself see the new t she has in mind for you. This t is being hand picked by your current t for a reason. So, what if you do like her? What if she does understand you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
She has tried to give her best in helping me these past years. She hopes I will change my thoughts about quiting and hopes to see me Friday, even if it's just to say goodbye and leave on good terms.
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Again, sounds to me like she does indeed care about you. A t that doesn't care about a client doesn't do these things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
I don't want to quit at all. I'm mad because she's leaving. I'm hurt. And she... I don't know. It seems like she's just fine with leaving and with leaving me. I get it, I'm just a client.
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Then don't quit. I would think she is just fine leaving her work to enjoy the gift of her newborn baby. She is planning to leave you in good hands, is she not? Just because you are a client doesn't mean she doesn't care. The situation is not going to change. It sounds like she is doing everything she can to help you through it successfully. That is caring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
Maybe I want to much. I want things she doesn't or can't give me. I don't want her to be more than my T. I just want a little bit more from her. I want to know what she thinks about me. I want to be her favorite client. I want to know if she cares about me. I want a hug after a session in which I've cried. I want to know a little bit more about her.
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Have you outright told her what you want here? Have you asked her for a hug? Have you ever asked her anything about her? She can't know what you want unless you tell her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
But above all, I don't want to lose her just yet. I still need her.
To go through weeks and weeks without seeing her, I don't want that yet. I can't.
I want her to not let me stop.
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Yes, you can. You will find your strength. Your t is doing all she can to make sure you are well taken care of in her absence. She isn't going to beg you to not quit therapy. She is treating you like an adult whom can make their own decisions, respectfully. Honestly, you are very fortunate to have a t that cares so much about you. I hope you can find a way to let gratitude and joy (for your t) into your heart because it will help lead you to acceptance. Once you have acceptance, the rest will fall into place with ease.