It's official!!!!!! I've hit rock ****ing bottom! I lost my job today because of my mood swings from my BP and my drug abuse. I explained that I had bipolar and they can't fire me for mental Illness and walked out. I gave all the women that bullied me a big middle finger as I walked out.

I broke down in my car and called pdocs office asap. I begged to get in NOW.

I got in and saw a resident? Not a pdoc. But he took one look at my file and said "the mix of psych drugs and amount of uppers and caffeine you're on is the reason you're out of control". He couldn't even believe my old pdoc put me on stimulants. So he took me right off and said the caffeine had to go too. He said he wants me in IP to detox off all my psych meds and start over from fresh. I said screw you. I'll go to a hospital for rapid detox but I won't go to IP to dry out in a cold hard bed **** that. I begged "please give me a wk at home and I'll do this". He reminded me that it was dangerous. I promised I'll go to the ER if I'm having problems.

I bought 3 adds for tonight. Last hurrah. I can't stop crying. Strangely, deep down, I really liked this job. Apparently the feelings weren't returned.

So I have a wk. not to just dry out from phetamines but from all my psych meds on top of it! Except for my seroquel. I begged for my seroquel. Been on it for years. Can't sleep without it!

All my jobs end like this Cuz of my BP and mood swings. Time for SSD? I just don't have the means to wait for the process.

Can't stop crying.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

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