I'm just so sick of my brother's crap. He expects me to have all the right emotions and do everything right for his sake. For example, today he told me that my sister's dog died. First of all, I hardly see him so I shouldn't be attached, but yet I am. I actually DID legitimately feel sad. I knew it was a little difficult to let the feeling fully come over me because I am still not all that reconnected with my emotions, but it was actually significantly better than usual, especially considering how much it technically shouldn't even affect me. And he asked me why it seemed like I didn't care. As if I was doing something seriously wrong. Like in the way you might ask someone who seems indifferent to their mom or their child dying. Even if he was getting after something else and he was wording it poorly, like seriously? That would be a stupid question to ask a mentally HEALTHY person in that situation!

So, I wrote down what happened on my computer so I could remember what happened and tell my therapist (who I just started seeing) about it. And my brother was like "what are you doing?" And I said "Just doing stuff on the internet". And he was like "oh like talking to friends or something?" (and in my head I'm already thinking "this is none of your business") and I replied with "yeah". Then he says "Oh, so you're writing about me?" with the obvious implication that I'm saying mean things, and in my head I'm thinking "WTF?!?!?! NONE! OF! YOUR! BUSINESS!!!!" How much more manipulative and insecure can you get?!

But to top it all off I have to pretend like that's not what I'm doing in a nice, comforting way. If I tell him "yes I was writing it down so I could talk to my therapist about it" or if I said "please don't get into my business like that" he will act like a wounded dog and be super insecure, or he will get defensive, or he will act like everything is totally fine. But then it will obviously NOT be okay and every interaction for the next day or two will be incredibly awkward.

And the main reason this is all a problem is because none of this should matter in the first place!!! I hate how it feels like I try so hard to do things right and understand what's going on in everybody else's heads but no one cares about what's going on in my head!