Dear T,

I'm so worried and scared for my appointment tomorrow. i wish I hadn't texted you earlier today. Now I feel like I bothered you and it was stupid to text you and I can't figure out if your response really was dismissive or if it's just me feeling depressed and insecure about everything. I can't explain how confused and conflicted I feel. I have been depressed enough times to know when I'm getting depressed. And, I know it's happening. I'm trying to stop it, I really am and I feel like you won't believe me or you will think I'm not trying hard enough. Please don't be mad at me. I have a million different scenarios in my head about everything and it all leads to one ultimate place. I don't even want to have the appointment tomorrow because I'm afraid of seeing a look of disappointment and annoyance on your face. And the worst thing is that even if you don't really look that way or feel that way, I will still see it no matter how hard I try not to. I see it in everyone's face.