Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Lately my T has been commenting on whether I'm present in the session or not. Last week she said the way I was sitting looked like I wasn't present. I was kind of slouching but I think I always sit like that. She had me sit up and make sure my feet were on the floor.
The week before when I was going on about my week, she said it seemed like I wasn't present, and if I'm not present, I don't feel connected to her. She wanted me to look around the room, then at her, and tell her how I feel.
I like to feel connected to her but at the same time, her commenting on my being present or not, makes me feel afraid, like I want to hide from her. Every session she asks me if she's sitting where I want her to be. Is her chair too close or too far.
I don't think I dissociate but I sort of check out and avoid eye contact sometimes. I feel very close to my T now, so I'm not sure why I still do this. Why can't I stay totally present with her? I can be present when I'm talking with her about hard stuff but when she wants me to look at her and asks how I feel, I get scared. I think the intimacy is what makes me panic.
Does anyone else's T concentrate on your being in the present with them?
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Hi rainbow, My T doesn't use that phrase, but she will encourage me to allow myself to feel. She knows how to hear (that 3rd ear) what I'm saying, sees the thread running throughout what I am telling her when I talk about work, for example. She analyzes whatever I put out there and it's surprising where we end up sometimes.
It's me who gets frustrated if I go in and talk about 'stupid work stuff' for a long time. When I mention that frustration, she might ask me if there is something else I want to talk about, but am not. Or if I am aware of avoiding talking about something. Sometimes I am, other times not.
She also might ask something similar when I change the subject. Not as a criticism for changing the subject, because free flowing is what we both want. But she wants to help me see the reason(s) behind changing the subject in that moment - is there a feeling that's becoming overwhelming, or is just unpleasant, etc. Usually it's a fear of some kind.
These are ways she helps me get to know and understand me.