Having a hard time lately. Sick professors, selfish roommates, weirdos, misogynists, and political/religious fanatics...it's hard dealing with any of them, but all at once...

I keep telling myself that I'll be in a better place soon, since I've already got into graduate school. Less than 6 months until I start a new life...but in ~3 months, after I get my BA, I'm going to run out of money. I tell myself there's no reason I can't find a full-time job for the summer, but I have old trauma surrounding a workplace incident, and it's really nerve-wracking to even think of working again. Plus, I've been having such consistent trouble getting along with people for the last year or so, that I'm worried about my ability to even hold a job. I wish I could just take out another loan to tide me over the summer, but my credit went bad after the madness last summer, and I don't have a cosigner.

I'm just really scared about my ability to make it through the hard times I'm going through, and that I know still lie ahead. I'm especially worried about snapping and doing something crazy with so many assholes around me stomping on me. Suicide keeps flashing through my mind as an option, as the only way out. I don't know how many times a day it occurs to me now.

I guess that sounds kind of alarming. I wonder if I should talk to someone about it. I'm too embarrassed to call a hotline, and my school always charges, so I don't know who I'd turn to, though. The only thing I can think of is one of those online counseling services....not sure what I think of that.

I know I need to get through the time ahead, though. I'm so close now, to so many things that I almost gave up for good so many times over the years. I can't give up now, not when I've already earned and won them, not when they're so tantalizing close. I need to let the light at the end of the tunnel incentivize and energize me instead of losing hope in reaching it. God help me do that.