I've been through it, not just once, but often. For the therapy I do, this is an important part of it. Feelings of closeness, intimacy even, can feel like they are romantic or more, but talking about it does not mean that anything is going to happen or really change if the relationship is solid. I think it's pretty normal to have these types of feelings. My T told me almost to expect them. At the time, in the beginning, I didn't ever think that would happen, but it did.

He was open, often checking in about how we were doing. He didn't use the word transference, though I knew that is what he meant. Now he uses it and now I know more about it, but at the time it was hard and scary and embarrassing so I get that.

Bringing it up directly was hard but very good for me and for the "us" that we were creating. I got past the embarrassment by seeing how I wanted closeness in ways I didn't have before or was hoping to have outside of therapy. That helped me understand a lot of my past and what I wanted in the future.

It ended up being a turning point in my process. I felt loved, felt worthy of love, felt that my longings for closeness were important to see and understand. For a time I was preoccupied with him, but then I began to see that he was sorta symbolic for what I wanted outside in my own life.

There have been issues that are complicated; this whole thing is complicated, but the basic thing is that it was positive. I went from pushing away feelings to having them, first for him since he is relatively safe. Then it expanded outward beyond therapy to what I wanted in general.

It is hard work and takes a lot of courage to go there. Many people don't really explore this in therapy or in life. I just thought of my therapy time as private enough to be who I really am, be accepted for that, and to me that is the definition of love. To be seen, heard, recognized.

Call it transference, call it love, call it whatever, doesn't matter. The point is that you have feelings. The feelings are important. Not expressing them usually does more harm than good. It may be awkward at times especially at first, but it can be done and lead to things that are so much better. The feelings in therapy are safe because nothing usually happens to act on them. They are put out there to test the waters. To understand yourself better. To understand what you want in your own life. I see all of that as positive. The therapist usually understands that this is a step along the way, not the destination, but part of overcoming something that has gotten in the way.