Here I am, once again wallowing in misery. I don't know what to do, I really don't

It is so bad now my chest hurts, my stomach is churning. I was feeling much better, I thought I got a really good job. But then nothing. Which makes the situation worse, much worse. I remember reading once saying that a man without hope is a man without fear. I got just enough hope to raise the possibility of success, only to have it repeatedly dashed. I don't know why I bother, sustaining hope, feeling hope. I read wil Wheaton's article about depression. It was great if you have steady income, a love life, and real hope. What if you have none of those, no prospects of any, and pain. I am not suicidal simply because, considering my record, I would mess that up too. I just don't know what to do all I know for certain is that if I could not be, that would be okay.