Hi John, I have no idea what to say except I was, not that long ago, feeling that depressed or I imagine I did. I didn't want to be here anymore either. I do know what it's like, waking up every morning with such dread and anxiety and imagining things about not having to wake up anymore. I'm sorry it hurts so much, I wish there was at least some light of hope in your life. You have us here to turn to. I've seen you here and have read your posts which I think show's great intelligence and you have a way of explaining things that some of us don't. I hope you will find some comfort today in something. Winter is back today, but it is looking like the weather will be nicer soon, and getting out just to people watch somewhere may help. Sorry about the job loss as well.