I am also curious about why you feel so sure there will be eventual pain and trauma. I had told my T about my transference, we discussed it, and he made sure to convey to me that he never intended to act in a way that would lead to it being "unsafe" as he put it. About 9 months in, after getting some clues from his behavior in my presence, I asked him point blank, he told me that yes, he felt attracted to me. We talked about it in one or two sessions, though never about his feelings, just their effect on me, and on therapy. Now I find myself a little bit back at square one. I have gained in other parts of therapy. I no longer am as obsessed with him as I was, but I still have feelings for him. On his side however, he has learned to either disguise his feelings better, or he does not feel them as intensely, or perhaps not at all. So I feel I have gone back to the dynamic of wanting him, and wishing for him to return the feelings. The only good thing seems to be I don't feel it to be as intensely painful as the first time, perhaps partly because he did admit his feelings and partly because of changes in my own personal life that resulted in being able to fulfill my sexual needs a bit better.

I am not sure whether he gets off on my feelings or not. I cannot tell. For all I know, it may be painful for him as well, I don't know what exactly he felt about me - just a passing attraction, something more, I don't really know. As therapy has progressed I think I feel him become a little warmer and caring towards me, so I feel that perhaps we are closer in some sense, I don't know, in the sort of regard that he has for me, it feels warmer.

I guess I am trying to say his manner doesn't feel to me that he is getting off on my feelings, but maybe I'm naive.