I told my boss at the time i would let her know if anything needed fixing on the ward - of any type - but would not spy -

she says i am oversensitive because i was attacked - dammit ive been attacked hundreds of times at work its part of the job - patients are confused I dont bear a grudge - but i do try and plan for what triggers them and then i am told i should just "trust" her (falls about laughing) this is the person who let a patient assault ....sighs.....takes a breath ..the past is dead long live the past.....

I get angry because people trewat the patients that cant talk like they are not there - I dont - i get angry cos they talk over and about them as if they are not there...

I had a patient once say that his first memory was coming in on a stretcher and me saying we are gonna help you gt better - he was "non-responsive" at the time - this is why i always have and always will talk to the patient as if they are "there" and it makes me mad when others dont or if they rush - ...

there i go again.....

ohh self punish ...you got that one right - i punish myself for getting angry then punish myself for punishing myself lol

and i dont think i will ever forgive myself for putting my cat down - there should have been somthing someone could do and i should have found it - and i didnt - he suffered with me cos of my PTSD - didnt get as much klove as he should ahve - i cant fix that and its tearing me a[part

my meory is crap and i know that is a sign i am near my breaking point....trying to chill- doing better today - and then someone said somthing and i went off like a time bomb....

and yes i say to myself well i must have not been clear when i said - Dont ...

otherwise why would they ignore me and treat me like i dont exist...maybe i dont...