I hope it's OK that I keep posting on this thread. I feel like it's something I shouldn't be doing, but I just need this space to talk still, and I guess this is better than posting new threads every couple of hours.

I feel so empty today. I'm exhausted, but I haven't slept that poorly. The past couple nights I've been in bed by 11:30 or 12, then restless sleep until about 3, then I'm dead to the world until about 7 when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I've set alarms to get up early to exercise, but I haven't gotten out of bed before 9 once this week. I just can't feel happy unless I'm high right now, so I've had such ups and downs this week. I feel miserable all day at work, then I go home and get high and feel good. Then I wake up in the morning miserable and start the cycle all over again. I would love to quit smoking to self medicate, but I just can't stop with my depression so bad. I have nothing else to help right now, and every time I try to not smoke I come up with excuses to do it anyway.