I have never been this depressed, ever. My doctor changed me on Monday from Cymbalta to Prozac. The Friday before, I was having suicidal thoughts almost constantly.

Today, I didn't go to work. I'm at a new job, and I was honest (to a degree) about it - I sent an email explaining that I had lost both of my parents last year, two good friends to death, and had a melanoma with a surgery and chemo. And that I had treated it during that time, but I was afraid I was backsliding and I needed a mental health day. No mention of suicidal thoughts or anything like that. One of the partners (the other was slightly nasty when I talked to him - whatever - I'd rather be honest) called and told me they were behind me 100%. (I just started there in June, and missed 2 days with a brutal sinus infection already). The nasty partner knew some of this from the job interview, so it's not a big shock. Luckily, I've done a good job for them, it just doesn't pay enough or have very good insurance. (I quit my last job during the whole debacle called my life mentioned above)

I don't belong to a church and never have, but called about ten of them today. Either the pastor had just resigned (3 of them), was on vacation (3 more), or all I got was voice mail.

Should I called a suicide hotline? I know I'm not supposed to talk about it here, but I'm not sure. I mean, I have those feelings some, but mostly I just cannot stop crying.