Yeh the suicidal fantasies part & it being a go to place in your head rings true for me too. Not at the moment, at the moment I'm experiencing them the way you describe you would when practising mindfulness, they just sort of come & go, I'm judging them yes but I'm not hurt by them as I would usually. It's such a serene way to experience intrusive thoughts haha!

I'm so sorry to hear that your son & his partner have suffered this way also. It's perfectly fine for you to express all your thoughts to me, triggering or not I'm always available to vent to if needed. I suffer enough without the trauma, I can only imagine what I would be like if I had a trauma in my past.