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Originally Posted by lostinsidemyself
Oh if thats what we are talking about, I do that ALL OF THE TIME. "Ive said too much, they are gonna go away like everyone else"...did it last night actually until 3:30am. Did that too my therapist for about 3 yrs, sorta 'testing" him to see if he was gonna end the sessions like 4 other free therapist and also 'tested' him about seduction as i did the 4 others where 2 of the 4 acted on it.
Fear of abandonment rule my thoughts. And i think it makes it worse because its partely from reality, my entirity of my family left because i told the truth, to them im a "crazy liar".
Bleh!
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It's constant, yes? That's one of the reasons I just hate getting even a little attached. Inevitably I'm going to start obsessing over abandonment and it gets so very old. I need to immerse my heart in liquid nitrogen.
I test people, too, of course. "I won't give you what you want. Still here? Well, let me show you who you think you care about." People often only seem to want me or want to be close to me if I'm not attached. The minute I show any sign of investment, they're gone.
Oh, for sure, these fears come from previous traumatic experiences, so it's not like we can just dismiss them. Not to mention the highly conditional regard some of us have had to endure. If you never know what it's like to really be loved, much less unconditionally....well. The world is a scary place where good things are scarce.