thepterodactyl, that makes sense. I guess that's actually where I really start to wonder. It's just crazy the things even anxiety and depression "alone" can make you think in the moment, and sometimes it just seems too crazy to me and makes me wonder.

Miguel'smom that's a big problem I have, too. My anxious brain can pick something and, like you said, run with it, and take it to a level that's pretty "insane", but not quite 100% disconnected from reality.
And I think my biggest worry is the possibility of irreversible side effects. Second to that is weight gain, and while I could be wrong about this and oversimplifying it, I feel like the dopamine antagonism in most (all?) antipsychotics can't be good for me with how my main issue is depression and it seems I have dopamine issues already. Seroquel made me super depressed to where I couldn't even stay on it longer than a few days a couple times, and I tried Abilify and remember not liking it, though then again that was during the psychotic break so I'm not sure I could accurately judge it. Rexulti miight be on my list of meds to try if I run out of options, because I've heard it's good for depression.