Quote:
Originally Posted by vonmoxie
Ha! I suppose my comparison to the buying of milk had mostly to do with the preponderance of care shown by so many people along the way that goes into making sure no one need drink something that will make them sick, representing what I think is more care than often goes into the dispensing of psychiatric drugs once FDA approval is received and they're off to the races! My last pdoc I'd selected solely on the basis that I hoped a man of his age (I don't know exactly but over 70) would not kneejerk so easily towards pharmaceutical solutions, although I was not completely opposed to them as a possibility at the time. I just wanted someone who would lean towards more holistic solutions, and I incorrectly assumed that a man of that age would know better that throwing drugs at problems doesn't need to be one's first line of defense. But, he strongly advocated for me to take an antidepressant (and an SNRI at that.. ugh..), and prescribed them on my very first visit, despite my already being on a complicated combination of migraine medication including anti-seizures. Adding the SNRI deeply impacted the psychological and physiological load for me, and I believe was ultimately responsible for turning what might only have been a one-year major depressive episode into the 5 year episode it ended up being, especially with him pushing for me to keep taking them, "give them a chance", even when months and months on them were only causing me worse anguish and hellatious physical distress. (To be honest, lost time counted in years is the closest to death I've ever felt. I was in a psychological near-coma from which I am still brushing away cobwebs.)
I love how you brought up the adage "never go to the supermarket hungry", Dechan.. so completely and sadly apt. I feel as though throwing myself into the psychiatric system when I was at my most vulnerable is approximately the worst decision I have ever made in my life.. which is irony of tragic proportions, because I would never have sought out therapy while spiritually well. 
I'm quite worried for your friend.. I got brain zaps when I finally took myself off the SNRI (fairly unceremoniously .. never wanted to touch the stuff again and to hell with the titration), but to be so dependent that I got zaps just for taking an AD a couple of hours late would drive me completely batty. I am supportive of my friends who take them though, whom I generally tell "I'm so glad it works for you", but feel almost apologetic when sharing any part of my own experience with them. Like being a sober person talking to someone who drinks regularly, you don't want to go on about how great sobriety is, when they're hooked and maybe don't even consciously think of themselves that way..
Believe me, I wish they worked for me just as great as the doc-tors are so fond of saying they will. I'd double my dosage and campaign for it in the streets.  |
Sharing your story is a great service, and I hope it affords you a bit of comfort. It has only been six months since I am free of any psych medication, and sometimes I wobble, because obviously my depression has not yet "gone away." But from your story I get the message "hang in there." I have read accounts where people suspect drugs prolonged and intensified their depression, and your story bears this out.
I have anxiety and depression combined, so it is tricky. I always feel the depression is something that needs to be soothed. When I took the antidepressant I felt suicidal in like three days! I remember sitting outside a coffee shop and feeling like I just wanted to go throw myself in front of traffic and that's when I thought, "Something isn't right. This drug is making me feel insane." It seemed to hype up the depression. Since coming on Psych Central I have learned that some researchers believe that antidepressants can cause bi-polar! That's how I felt on the drug, exactly.
I had heard of and my doctor told me all those things about "wait and see" and "it's too early to tell" and "you might need something else" -- but it absolutely did not
feel right at that moment. It seemed counter-intuitive to be taking something that made me feel worse. My logic would not wrap around it.
When I went looking for answers I found Psych Central, and Psych Central has helped me tremendously. Everyone's story is different, but a common theme is helping us become stronger consumers of everything.
Your story about thinking an older doctor would be more interested in holistic methods was interesting. Once I went off the psych meds and told my doctor I was going to follow a holistic path she got right on board, citing the positive outcomes of treating depression with exercise. When I told a relative who has a Ph.d. in Psychology, he scoffed. He told me to find a "proper doctor" - a psychiatrist, to give me the right psych drugs. Need I add that this relative is overweight, and out-of-shape? On the other hand my primary doctor is skinny to the point of looking anorexic! Finding one's way to the right solutions for mental health is like walking through a mine field. I am learning to step carefully.
About my friend with the brain zaps. We were only casual friends and although she felt entitled to tell me what I should do, I wouldn't do the same with her. She drinks on her antidepressant. That kind of shocked me. I didn't even know people did that. She also smokes. I quit smoking and it has created a lot of extra anxiety for me. (Now it has been a year but I think it may take two years before smoking related anxiety is reduced by increased coping skills.) This friend is a chronic relapser. Her whole combination of taking heavy doses of antidepressants, smoking, and drinking creates a profile that makes it difficult to believe she should be advising anyone else, right? Someone here on Psych Central suggested she might have more problems then I need to be exposed to at this time. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't keep taking a drug that gave me brain zaps. She insists she needs the drug. She has no intention of going off the drug. She continues to smoke although she has been diagnosed with with the early stages of COPD. She isn't stupid. I hesitate to say this but the fact is she is a retired nurse who recently married a doctor!!! Some people just don't want to face reality. I am not one of them.
Vonmoxie, I am sorry for all you went through. So many twists and turns that caused you more pain. That is the saddest part of all. Anyone who has had mental illness knows that
more pain is almost like punishment. If only doctors realized this.
It is almost as if they (the doctors -- little turtle respectfully excluded) don't appreciate the level of pain involved in depression and anxiety. I am convinced that its complexity warrants a complex solution. My holistic plan -- the one I share in the "About Me" section of my profile page...gets longer and longer. It looks a bit ridiculous! I try to do as much as possible on the list because despite a healthy lifestyle of eating and sleeping correctly, taking vitamins and supplements etc., I am still fighting depression. I think I have a better handle now on the anxiety. The anxiety responds well to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and even to some extent, DBT. However, it seems like when one gets better the other gets worse.
I hope to God my situation is as you said...maybe I have a bad depression that I will naturally subside within a year to 18 months. I am trying to track everything so that I can see progress.
Stories like yours carry me forward. Thank you.