Yeah, I don't think it is as invariably destructive as you portray it. I have feelings for my T and he has feelings for me. We have discussed them. I am very clear that I am not leaving my husband nor cheating on him. My T is professional and makes it clear he will maintain the boundaries. The feelings I have for T, while quite painful for me at times, have actually improved my relationship with my husband a great deal. The relationship with T really brought home to me what I am missing in my 'real' life and what I really need and want. My H, to his great credit, was willing to work on his end of things and try to stretch and grow to bring those things to our relationship. Currently, my relationship with H is better than it has ever been, and we have been together almost 25 years. So through the pain and discomfort and embarrassment of the feelings for T, I have gained a great deal in my life.