As it's true that we cannot diagnose ourselves, we have to be sure we find a doctor that actually listens to what our symptoms are. Hell if I diagnosed myself I'd be in all kinds of trouble. I think I have enough diagnoses anyhow. Whether I believe they are right or not.... for now. A lot of my symptoms fall under personality disorders. But I'm told it's because I have extreme anxiety and bipolar disorder. I find it getting worse and worse the older I get. Not the bipolar stuff, but the pd symptoms. I am terrified of asking for help of any kind even from my family. However I hate the idea of not having them in my life. Even though I moved almost 900 miles away. I do have a fear of abandonment, but it's short lived. I do get into many relationships, but I find reasons they are not going to work and I act out on them. I love my family but can only handle them in small doses. I moved out of my house at 17. I've always taken care of myself and others, however I am no longer interested in helping people that I have helped and the only time they contact me is when they need help. I've always needed to feel like I'm loved and cared about to the point I would do anything to prove it, sometimes I feel compulsed to do it. The anxiety gets really bad. But that's not how I feel with people I don't know. Those people are different. I cannot ask a sales floor person for help. I get panicky asking for cigarettes which you have to do or you won't get them. I cannot make a decision on my own almost ever. Seriously, even going for a walk because it's the best thing for me to do takes me forever to decide to do it. I'm in a position right now where I'm relying on a friend/ex boyfriend to help me because I fell apart completely after he dumped me because I kept threatening to leave because I would get drunk and act a fool, but when it came to talking to him sober about why I feel the things I feel I couldn't. Just like with doctors they ask me my symptoms and I go blank. Moving I can't even ask people I know for help, and get upset that nobody helped. I hint at needing help but cannot directly ask for it. I'm sorry I just did that on your post. I was intending to tell you that I feel very similar to how you feel. Except a few differences, but I cannot remember where I was going with that. I'm sorry.