I'm a female but otherwise similar in several ways. I was diagnosed at age 18 but didn't believe the pdoc. He interviewed me for less than an hour in a state hospital and diagnosed me as BPD. I read up on the disorder when I checked out of there AMA and decided that I was definitely not going to be BPD. So: no romantic relationships beyond the one I was in at the time (which ended when I was 21); no drinking more than 2 drinks; no drug use; no sex; no cutting (which I had done before); no more psych hospitals; no emotional displays (that one, I was not able to keep up completely but people would hardly call me a "drama queen"). It was a rough and lonely road, let me tell you.

I'm now 43 and my therapist diagnosed me with BPD--well, we talked about it after six months of work together. (I had expressly forbidden her to diagnose me as BPD, so I had to get to the point where I could tell her it was okay if that was really what she believed was the correct diagnosis. That was a difficult discussion!)

The fact that I didn't engage in many of the "symptoms" of BPD allowed me to also be professionally successful and nobody at my workplace would believe I had Borderline Personality Disorder if you told them. So it feels a bit surreal to me, and there are times I still rebel against the diagnosis (more discussions with therapist), but it does fit. I'm starting to approach possibly trying to deal with it, finally, and I'm feeling some peace about that for the first time in more than twenty years.

I hope that you find some peace, too, and the support that you need.