But some of us lacked the self-knowledge and/or self-cohesion going into therapy to do that. There’s a basic flaw in therapy, I think. Saying that’s a basic flaw in the client gets people like me nowhere. We come to therapy for help with things we have come to the end of the road trying to help ourselves with. Therapists didn’t diagnose or otherwise tell me that I lacked self-cohesion and other flaws. And of course I had a lot of the inherent flaws in me covered up – not consciously being fake but you can’t function in the regular world with flaws, certainly not in my family of origin. Exposing, helping me get to the core of some of those flaws was, I hoped and expected, a job of therapy. And hence the therapist to at least help with.

The attachment theory, trauma, and object relations therapy that my current T uses try to address some of those issues. But previous therapists did not. And in their blaming responses to things I would never say outside of therapy, they hurt me. Only I didn’t even know that, just that I got angry, but since I didn’t behave in the real world like I did in therapy, I had no reference point for the problem being “in me”. That which was in me only came out because I allowed it to in therapy and then the therapist couldn’t handle it! Good grief! Doesn’t anybody else see the problem being in “therapy”, even if the problem started with me? I went for “help” for goodness sake!!